NPR-Cincinnati...My Favorite Book-Related Radio Interview

When the NPR producer called me regarding their national series on family size, he was kind in saying "Well, you wrote the book Dr. Singer." NPR is so chill; what a pleasant experience. They give you time to think and time to answer during the interview (and such a distinguished panel of experts-not too shabby). With the TV promotion of my book, all of life was compressed into 3.5 minute segments. I finally realized that the interviewer is going to ask me 3 questions and that's it.

One NPR caller to this show asked....When there are 7 billion people in the world, why have any children? I responded: It is totally your decision; in my entire career spanning over 3 decades I never encouraged couples or suggested, that what they need for their marriage is a child, or another child.

The most asked question of my book: So, Dr. Singer, what really is the perfect family size?  My book has 92 self-test questions that assist couples in making the best decision for themselves. Couples shouldn't ask, What is the ideal number of children to have? They should ask: Are we both ready to have another child now (regardless of gender)?

Click here to enjoy the interview .......and please support your local public radio station.

Going From Man-To-Man….to Zone

When you go from 2 children to 3, that is what happens to parents; zone defense.  A recent NYTimes article described a growing number of three-child households in Manhattan. Really? With some of the highest apartment prices in the world, could that be true? It turns out the article describes the significant increase in three-child families with incomes in the 200K to 400K range. So we’re not talking your typical American family here by a long shot.

Community does play a role in family size decisions. For people in normal income brackets who frequently use the subway system, holding on to your child/children continuously is a priority. I am often on the NYC subways and I am personally much calmer when I see two parents and each has one child rather than one parent with 2 or (Yikes) 3 children all to him/herself. The high cost/small square footage of Manhattan apartments makes it impractical to have a large family size. So it follows that many couples, when expecting their second or third child, move out to the suburbs. The one child family is still the most common family size in NYC.

This article reminded me of when family size researchers altered the standard FamSize question and began to ask: If money is not at all a concern, how many children would you and your spouse like to have?

 

Half of U.S. Pregnancies are Unintentional: Think Family Size Decision People!

 

Your Family Size decision is the most important decision of your marriage. I have told hundreds of couples in my 36 years as a marriage therapist, that there is no more vital decision in the hands of every couple than, when to start a family and how many children to have. I stress vital decision because other marital decisions, such as where to live, are in the hands of every couple, but don’t rank nearly as high as the family size decision.

Employment, proximity of extended family, and fertility are also essential to a marriage, but they are not decisions that are firmly in the hands of each couple. Today’s Blog Post coincides with the release of Guttmacher Institute data showing that over 50% of the 6.6 million pregnancies each year in the U.S. are unintended. I plead with couples, please wake up and smell the data!

My principal concern: Dozens of noteworthy research studies have shown that marital satisfaction declines with each child because of the enormous cost of each child, emotionally and financially. That being the case, I don’t want couples to have children…for no reason. I believe that the whimsical approach to this crucial decision has significantly contributed to the agonizing 50% divorce rate in the U.S.

Don’t be haphazard about this decision….make your family size decision with confidence and determination. And what is the ideal family size for you? As many or as few…as long as you think it through. Couples should not spend time contemplating the ideal number of children; they should ask themselves one key question: Is now the best time in our lives, from a personal, health, and marital perspective, to have a(nother) child? 

Advice Bullet Points:

>Don’t have another child for gender balance: you may not get the gender you hoped for.

>Don’t have another child to mirror your family of origin: that was then; this is now.

>Don’t make up for lost time by having rapid-fire children: have a minimum 2 year space between children.

>Don’t have another child to hang onto your Nanny: some couples do it----I kid you not.

The Lost (& Final) Basement Tape; Video #12

Actually filmed in the basement, this is the last of 12 videos that I filmed for promotion of my book, Creating Your Perfect Family Size. In all 12 videos, I altered the scenery and followed the directions of Noah, my son-in-law. He was specific: "Pops, if you want these videos to be watched, you can't just be gimmicky; you have to have content." And that is what I attempted to do with each promo. This last video urges couples not to be haphazard about their family size decisions....and I remind parents....As Many or as Few, as Long as You Think it Through! Thanks for watching these videos :)

Fox & Friends on a Hot Summer Day

Fox & Friends Weekend segment - July 24, 2011

The Right Number of Kids for You

Author creates your perfect family size



On the Friday before my F & F segment, I was driving across Staten Island, and my car’s outside temperature showed 113 degrees. I never saw a number like that on a car, not even in San Antonio last month. All day Friday, I was hoping that Fox wouldn’t pre-empt my segment because of global warming and have Al Gore sitting on that couch at F & F Weekend saying……”See!”

The original air time was 6:45 am as of one week ago. When I suggested to the producer, that young couples who will benefit most from the segment, won’t even be smelling their first cup of coffee at that hour, she agreed and moved it to 8am and then 9:45am.

Upon arrival at their 6th Ave studio, I was sent to make-up. Did anyone care to explain air-brushing to me? As I left make-up, the woman commented, “First time I ever saw someone hold their breath for an entire air-brushing”.

Bonus: Watching the segment later in the day……I noticed the book image that Fox used actually looks like a hard-cover book. There are no hardcovers to be sure; my book is only available in paperback. Now there’s the magic of air-brushing!