Spouse Disability Leads to Greater Marital Satisfaction?

The time has come in this blog, to add a new key word: counterintuitive. That word came to mind when I read about one study done at Brigham Young University which found that the onset of physical disability boosts marital happiness more often than not.

Consider these two Findings:
>Both men and women, regardless of age, reported being happier in their marriage after they themselves became physically disabled.

>Men whose spouse became physically disabled also experienced greater happiness in their relationship.

"The numbers show that couples seem to come together when one of them experiences physical limitations," said lead author Jeremy Yorgason, a Brigham Young University professor. The results - published in the journal Research on Aging - are based on information provided by 1,217 married people randomly selected from around the country. Researchers tracked the lives of the study participants for 12 years.

Exactly why physical limitations boost marital happiness is not fully understood by researchers, Yorgason said. One hint from the new study is that in some cases disability brings more couple interaction.

Author: I am always hesitant to be swayed by the findings of one research study, but this one is fascinating. And if it gives hope and support to couples who have been dealt this hand in life, it’s worth its weight in gold.

Spouse Spats Mean Long Life?...apparently yes

According to preliminary results of a University of Michigan study, "Couples in which both the husband and wife suppress their anger when one attacks the other die earlier than members of couples where one or both partners express their anger and resolve the conflict."

Researchers looked at 192 couples over 17 years and placed the couples into one of four categories:
*Both partners communicate their anger
*In the second and third groups one spouse expresses while the other suppresses
*Both the husband and wife suppress their anger and brood

Get a load of this stat folks: "When both spouses suppress their anger at the other when unfairly attacked, earlier death was twice as likely than in all other types."

Granted that this is not a huge study, but it is still a very interesting one. The lead author of the study Ernest Harburg explained, "If couples have good parents they can imitate, that's fine, but usually the couple is ignorant about the process of resolving conflict. The key matter is, when the conflict happens, how do you resolve it?"

A final note: This release has a rather misleading title: "A Good Fight May Keep You and Your Marriage Healthy". It is not that fights are good for marriage; it's that anger suppression is bad.....and you can quote me!

So are you ready to drop those hyped up fish-oil potions that promise longevity and try something that really works...like screaming at your spouse? JK

Obamas' Marriage Inspires Millennials

He may not have cured all the ills of our economy as fast as we want (as if) but i don't ever recall this much positive buzz about a presidential marriage.

A recent Newsweek article describes how the Obamas have the kind of marriage, equal and devoted, that millennials aspire to. "Veering from 50's era subservience (the Reagans) to boomer dysfunction (the Clintons)....now the Obamas are two independent individuals who also appear to be (surprise!) in love."

It appears to be a relief to young couples today to see that the sort of marriage they hope to have - equal and devoted - can actually exist.

Talking Points:
Do you think that political couples should be role models for our personal lives? Does the Obamas' marriage inspire you?
Do you think their marriage is inspiring to young couples today?

More Inspiring than His Bailout, Obama's Marriage

The First Couple is generating alot of buzz about happy marriages. Jocelyn Noveck's piece in the Washington Post is a delight to read. Their "21st Century White House Marriage" is setting high standards for our country. A number of important themes are touched on by Noveck including: date night for couples, balancing professional success with family stability, displaying affection, and spouses as best friends.

One off-the-wall comment from a NY mother and author, "It worries me because, how many years have they been married, and they're so romantic?..it's total pressure!"
My 2 cents: It's good pressure lady; get over it.

My only question was: why did my son-in-law (who reads the Wash.Post daily) not spot this gem and email it to me for the blogosphere?