Kids Make You Happy (Not): More Discussion

"The key to happiness in life is low expectations" (author unknown).
Research that shows Kids don't make you happy does not trouble me in the least. I am happy that my wife and I decided to have kids and we have 4 wonderful children, 2 of whom now have terrific spouses. Click here to listen to Robin Simon, Sociologist at FSU, discussing last summer's Newsweek article on this very topic.

But, have I been a "happy" Dad all day-every day, since becoming a father 29 years ago? Of Course Not.
Do people have children as an antidote to depression? (I hope not)
Do people have children because they look around at the world and think, "Everyone with children....they look so happy"? (I don't think so)

The decision to have children needs to be made knowing that there are rewards for parenting which are deep and fulfilling to be sure. But, one of the rewards, if you asked me, is certainly not automatic happiness. There is abundant happiness in parenting; it's just not 24/7.

So if you're thinking of having kids to bring you happiness, please think again.

Newsweek's "Having Kids Makes You Happy"

Newsweek (7/7/08) had a good article on children decreasing marital happiness, which is a known research finding. Click here to read the full article.

Here is my Letter to the Editor:
If the foundation of our society has become, “Am I happy enough”? then it is correct to assume that children will play a smaller role in our lives. In my 30 years as a Family Therapist, I have never encouraged couples to have a child and I am a very happy father of four children.

“To carry on the family name” or “because most couples have kids” are among the lousiest reasons I know, to have children. The desire to start a family must come from a deep longing that will withstand emotional stress, financial strain, and yes —even logic. Children bring a much deeper sense of fulfillment than one’s own personal level of happiness.

Dr. Alan M. Singer
www.FamilyThinking.com