"Good Enough" Marriages Suit Children Just Fine

What is a "good-enough" marriage?
And why is Booth and Amato's 1997 finding, that 2/3 of divorces end "good-enough" not high-conflict marriages, so significant?

Elizabeth Marquardt wrote an excellent piece for the Huffington Post. Here are some excerpts:

"We disagree about a lot of things. Sometimes I think our kids would be better off if we both moved on."

"I've been researching and writing about children of divorce for a decade and I've heard these sentiments over and over. These parents not divorced yet, but they're thinking about it. They're raising children, struggling to make the mortgage payment and pay the babysitter, hoping to get ahead. Meanwhile, their marriage isn't what it used to be. Those pre-kid days of hanging out with friends seem the stuff of dreams now. Talking is mainly about negotiating schedules and money. Weekends are busy getting caught up from weekdays. Is this what marriage is all about? Do the kids really need this?

In a word, yes. Some marriages are plagued by such serious problems -- such as addiction, chronic infidelity, or violence -- that divorce might well be warranted. But social science research shows that about two-thirds of marriages that end in divorce are low conflict. These marriages may feel troubled to the one or both of the spouses, but they are not struggling with the kinds of serious or frequent conflict many imagine when they picture a marriage on the rocks.

It is these marriages -- what some call "good enough" marriages -- that matter so much. To any still-married parent who is considering divorce who may be reading this, I want to affirm that your "good enough" marriage is doing a world of good for your kids. By sticking with -- and working on and believing in -- your "good enough" marriage, you are sustaining one world for your child. You are affirming that the rough and sometimes not-pretty job of holding together one family belongs to you and your spouse, not your child."

Huffington Post Interviews Alan Singer

When Huffington Post announced the "All For Good" campaign of the White House for national service, the release stated: "In troubling times it's important for us to come together and lend a hand to our community".

I wrote to HP and described my volunteer work in central New Jersey with couples who need marital therapy and have been hard-hit by the recession.

Stephanie Harnett of HP interviewed me and you can read her article here.

President Obama Should Promote National Service

Steve Waldman wrote and interesting piece for the Huffington Post that caught my eye and stirred my imagination.

He contends that the Obama administration may be about to squander an historic opportunity, because the economic recovery plan doesn't include a large-scale national service program. National service members can work on permanent and cost effective national improvements such as energy efficiency or improving schools. He suggests that a "soft goal" would be to plant forever the idea in the minds of most young people (and many seniors) that one of the most fulfilling and useful things they could do is serve their nation for a year or two.

Click here to read his entire post.

I want to take it one step further during these stressful times of increasing unemployment and home foreclosures. I believe it is time to think about giving one day a month to help others by using our profession skills, especially to help those who recently lost their job or their house. As a family therapist, I will set aside one day per month to help couples strengthen their marriage and not charge them a fee. I believe that President Obama and his administration are going to need all the help they can get.

So Here Goes: If this recession has wreaked havoc on your family finances and your marriage is suffering because of it, contact me via email DrAlanSinger@aol.com for a marital therapy session at no cost. I rent space in central New Jersey (Highland Park to be exact). Please consider your driving distance before emailing me and briefly describe your financial predicament.