KISSING! Seven Ways It Boosts Your Health

1.    The Most Expressive Gesture

 The first kiss mentioned in the Torah is when Jacob kisses his cousin Rachel, upon seeing her at the well. He expresses his joy and potential interest in her as his wife. A kiss such as that between relatives, wouldn't necessarily be considered a romantic gesture as we would understand it today. Author Josh Foer asks, “Is there a more expressive gesture in the human repertoire than the activity of kissing?”

                                             2.    Kisses Convey Blessings

 As Jews, we kiss the Torah in the synagogue when we take it out of the Holy Ark each week and when we dance with it on the holiday of Simchat Torah. We send an air-kiss when the Torah is raised aloft at the conclusion of the reading of the weekly portion. Many of us kiss the ground at Ben Gurion airport upon arrival to the Holy Land. We also kiss the mezuzah on the door as a prayer for safe travels and we kiss our children when we bless them on Shabbat and holidays. In the secular world, gamblers kiss the dice for good luck.

                                         3.    You Say Goodbye, and I Say Hello

 Not only is a kiss a widely accepted means of greeting someone or bidding farewell to someone, a kiss can be a sign of love, respect, peace, or friendship. It can express affection, greeting, and non-verbal communication. A kiss can be a way to show non-romantic affection between friends and family. In some cultures, kisses are given as a way of saying hello, sometimes on both cheeks.  In fact, zoologists have even noted this behavior in the animal kingdom as well. Snails caress each other with their antennae. Birds touch beaks and chimpanzees even give platonic pecks on the lips. 

4.    Kissing Improves Mental and Physical Health

 Aside from the obvious pleasure of kissing, Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher explained that kissing affects more than just your sense of taste, smell, and touch. It actually boosts your pulse and blood pressure, dilates your pupils, and deepens breathing. Kissing raises levels of oxytocin, the wondrous brain chemical associated with trust and attachment. As an added bonus, kissing reduces cortisol, the stress hormone in our body. Indeed, kissing bombards the brain, and brings pleasure and calmness, while it boosts the immune system. 

5.    Come Together Right Now 

A kiss promotes feelings of bonding and attachment. Kissing is every bit as good as chicken soup as a cure-all for most of your troubles, according to anthropologist, Dr. Vaughn Bryant. Both women and men state that kissing brings them emotionally closer to their spouse. 

6.    Live Long and Prosper 

Whatever its origins, kissing seems to be advantageous. A study conducted during the 1980s found that men who kiss their wives before leaving for work, live five years longer and get into fewer car accidents than those who don’t. They also have higher incomes than married men who don't kiss their wives goodbye. So do yourself a favor and go ahead and pucker up! It does your mind and body good. 

7.    The Mouth Contracts as the Heart Expands 

In closing, kissing is a language all its own that gives us the ability to describe our feelings that are sometimes deeper than words can express. Think of kissing as a contraction of the mouth which is due to the enlarging of the heart. A simple profound act that, interestingly, is of no use to one person, yet it is absolute bliss for two people? A kiss is that which you cannot give without taking, and cannot take without giving.

Dr. Alan Singer has been a marriage therapist in New Jersey and New York since 1980. He has an 80% success rate in saving marriages of couples on the brink of divorce. He is a Certified Discernment Counselor, and serves on the Registry of Marriage-Friendly Therapists and the Beyond Affairs Network. He is an Adjunct Professor for Touro University’s Graduate School of Social Work. His mantra: I’ll be the last person in the room to give up on your marriage. He counsels via Zoom, blogs at FamilyThinking.com, and authored the book, Creating Your Perfect Family Size (Wiley). Married 48 years, he and his wife are the parents of four grown children. He is a frequent presenter at the NEFESH International Conference. His essays are featured in AISH.com, Jerusalem Post, Jewish Link, and the Jewish Press    dralansinger@gmail.com    (732) 572-2707

Helping Others is Rather Self-Serving

Psychologists claim that it is frequently the giver, not the recipient, who reaps the largest psychological gains from a gift.
Here is my monthly Home News Tribune column that was published on November 30, 2009.

In a New York Times article about gift-giving, Tara Parker-Pope wrote about the importance of gifts in helping to define relationships and strengthen bonds with family and friends. She described the "potlatch," which is a ceremony that celebrates extreme giving. Some native cultures have engaged in this ritual for thousands of years. "Although cultural interpretations vary," Parker-Pope explains, "often the status of a given family in a clan or village was dictated not by who had the most possessions, but instead, by who gave away the most."

Random acts of kindness abound but only if you know where to look. Here's something that I witnessed recently and there is no better time than the Thanksgiving season to share this story.

Last summer, I was riding on a crowded rush-hour subway in New York when the following display of altruism unfolded. Scout's honor, that there is no author's embellishment in my description. A young woman in her twenties was seated next to the subway door and saw an elderly woman trying to board the subway as the doors were closing. The young woman reached out her hand to hold the door, and the elderly woman successfully shuffled in. She shouted "Thank you!" as she was catching her breath.

Noticing drops of water all over the elderly woman's coat, the young woman said, "Darn! I can't believe it is raining and I forgot my umbrella at home!" The older woman reached into her huge multi-colored shopping bag, grabbed something, and said to the young woman, "Here's a disposable poncho that I carry around in case someone ever needs it." In response, the young woman jumped up, thanked her, and insisted, "Please take my seat." The older woman responded, "That's not necessary: I only have two more stops." At that point, five other people on the bench seat slid over so that these two new friends could sit beside one another.

When stories like this unfold in front of my eyes, I instinctively look around to see if someone is about to yell, "Smile! You're on Candid Camera!" (That tells you my age). I was so moved by this brief experience that I immediately wrote down the details of the story.

In difficult times people seem to help one another, even complete strangers. Maybe in the post-Sept.11 era in which we live, the awareness of our enemies who want to harm us motivates us to seek out family and friends and to be kind to others on subways and in supermarkets.

Take a wild guess at what researchers are discovering. Studies have shown that when you help others, you actually help yourself. The finest description of the health benefits of altruism and compassion comes from Dr. Dean Ornish in his Newsweek essay titled, "Love is Real Medicine." Ornish explains,

"Instead of viewing the time we spend with friends and family as luxuries, we can see that these relationships are among the most powerful determinants of our well-being and survival. We are hard-wired to help each other. Science is documenting the healing values of love, intimacy, community, compassion, forgiveness, altruism and service. Seen in this context, being unselfish may be the most self-serving approach to life, for it helps free both the giver and recipient from suffering, disease, and premature death."

On that note, have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Be Counted columnist Dr. Alan Singer is a Marriage Therapist in Highland Park. Respond to this column via his Web site www.FamilyThinking.com