Obamas' Marriage Inspires Millennials

He may not have cured all the ills of our economy as fast as we want (as if) but i don't ever recall this much positive buzz about a presidential marriage.

A recent Newsweek article describes how the Obamas have the kind of marriage, equal and devoted, that millennials aspire to. "Veering from 50's era subservience (the Reagans) to boomer dysfunction (the Clintons)....now the Obamas are two independent individuals who also appear to be (surprise!) in love."

It appears to be a relief to young couples today to see that the sort of marriage they hope to have - equal and devoted - can actually exist.

Talking Points:
Do you think that political couples should be role models for our personal lives? Does the Obamas' marriage inspire you?
Do you think their marriage is inspiring to young couples today?

Siblings: Fewer Kids Share a Room these Days

Fewer children are sharing rooms these days because of larger houses and smaller families.

An article in the Miami Herald by Jodi Mailander-Farrell explained, "Sharing a room was once a childhood rite of passage, ranking right up there with waiting for the bathroom and fighting over the last piece of lasagna at dinner." But homes are 38% larger than 20 years ago and (as noted many times on FamilyThinking.com) American families are shrinking. About 20% of all U.S. children under age 18 have no siblings at home (Census Bureau).

"The fallout for today's kids? Many of them --unlike their parents and grandparents--never share a room". "Having a room of one's own is a very American concept," describes Mailander, "It's a product of our emphasis on individuality, not to mention proof of our economic success."

According to George Scarlett, chair of child development at Tufts University, "Our culture makes the assumption that children having their own bedrooms and sleeping by themselves is a good thing, but most other cultures think just the opposite."

For my other posts on sibling support, click here.

Sisters = Happiness

Sisters Breed Happiness While Brothers Breed Distress.
In order to appear cultured, I pulled this from a BBC News release.

This post is actually for my daughters (who read this Blog) to empower them to rib my son (who does not). Personally, I wouldn't know what this article is talking about since I'm one of three brothers and have no idea what having a sister is like. Professionally speaking: One study of 571 people...how much impact does it have? Interesting but not earth shattering.

According to the study, having daughters made a family "more open and willing to discuss feelings." While "boys tend to internalize problems and in families where there are lots of sons....that can cause problems." Discuss

Recession Depression? Maybe You Suffer from Hyperopia, Like Me

Eureka, my condition has been diagnosed! Consumer psychologists call it hyperopia, which is the medical term for farsightedness.
The condition is the result of people looking too far ahead. In Oversaving, A Burden for Our Times, John Tierney explains, people are "so obsessed with preparing for the future that they can't enjoy the present, and they end up looking back sadly on all their lost opportunities for fun."

As for me, If I do have "saver's remorse", then why am I not remorseful? My wife and children have not altered their spending habits one bit. However, I currently won't spend a dime on anything but gas for my car and I have no regrets. I do not feel it would be responsible of me to buy any unnecessary (fun) items at this time, especially when my in-box at home is filled with: the car note, gas/electric bill, credit card bill, insurance statement, phone bill and they are all screaming out, "pay me first".

But, missing out on life's pleasures is a big concern. That's why I took my children to Blue Mountain in Pennsylvania recently for a fantastic day of skiing that was pure fun. And there are tons of low cost activities that families who enjoy the simple pleasures of life can partake in, like when the Township tennis courts open for the season. A recession can't mean a cessation of fun for families. It means you need work on lining up some good-quality low-cost enjoyable activities.

Bottom line: I believe there has to be a national confidence shift before we hyperopiacs will be ready to seek treatment for our condition.

Taking Responsibility Trumps Sibling Rivalry in Biblical Brothers Story by Dr. Alan Singer

Aren't the residual effects of brotherly hatred sadly evident to this day in many regions of the world?
My essay in the Home News Tribune (published on 3/26/09) discusses the Bible, an area in which I claim no expertise. But I always find the story of the brothers to be a compelling one and so I discussed it in my monthly column. I believe there is more to learn from the story than the repercussions of sibling rivalry.

After reviewing the biblical story of Joseph and his brothers, I am not convinced that the main lesson is about sibling rivalry. Let me preface this by claiming no expertise in Bible study; rather, a long-time fascination with the details of this story about a father, a favorite son and his jealous brothers. My curiosity is motivated by the following questions: Do any of the parties fully accept responsibility for their actions? What lessons are there in this story for modern-day families?

The brothers' animosity begins with Joseph's tattling on his brothers to their father Jacob. This caused his brothers to hate him and this was exacerbated by not one but two dreams, each of which Joseph repeated verbatim to his family. The dreams, which described how his brothers would bow down to Joseph, further infuriated his brothers.

Their father, Jacob, according to the Bible, "Loved Joseph more than all his sons" and made him a unique gift, a coat of many colors. The Talmud (Tractate Sabbath, page 10, side 2) states, "A man should never single out one son among his other sons, for on account of the silk which Jacob gave to Joseph in excess of his other sons, his brothers became jealous of him and the matter resulted in our forefathers' descent into Egypt." The Talmud is unambiguous in its critique of favoritism.

But, is sibling rivalry a justification for homicide? Clearly not. The brothers plotted to kill Joseph, then threw him in a pit, and despite his cries for mercy, the brothers broke bread together. This was followed by the staging of his death, from the attack of a vicious animal. Upon hearing of Joseph's fate, Jacob tore his garments and mourned the loss of his son.

One specific comment by historian and biblical scholar Rabbi Berel Wein got me thinking. He explains that Judah is the one who changes the course of events by offering himself as a guarantor for Benjamin's safety. In so doing, Judah "accepts responsibility," an important new theme in this story. The brothers do recognize the consequences of their own erroneous actions, explaining, "We saw his heartfelt anguish (Joseph's) when he pleaded with us and we paid no heed; that is why this anguish has come from us."

But biblical commentaries do not let the brothers off the hook. One commentary (Sforno) states that the brothers found no cause for remorse in the sale of their brother, only for hard-heartedly ignoring Joseph's pleas for mercy. Further, in the Yom Kippur prayers, there is a description of the tragedy of the Ten Martyrs, which was precipitated by the sale of Joseph by his 10 brothers, who never did ask for forgiveness. And, aren't the residual effects of brotherly hatred sadly evident to this day in many regions of the world? Therefore, the answer to my opening question is no, since no one in this story fully accepts responsibility.

And I believe that taking responsibility for one's actions is one of the most useful lessons we can role-model for our children and give over to them. We must enable our children to make decisions for themselves and give them an awareness of the consequences. More than just a tale of sibling rivalry, the timeless lessons of Joseph and his brothers provide meaningful insights into parenting and responsibility.

"Be Counted" columnist Dr. Alan Singer is a marriage therapist in Highland Park. Respond to this column via his Web site http://www.familythinking.com/