tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-193588122024-03-05T04:24:12.077-05:00FamilyThinking.com with Dr. Alan SingerA Marriage Enhancing DialogueDr. Alan M. Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242709892550579433noreply@blogger.comBlogger177125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-58356300777704718552024-02-01T16:06:00.002-05:002024-02-01T16:09:23.996-05:00One Hundred Days: Addressing Our Collective Trauma from this War Against Israel
No words can adequately express our
collective sadness and revulsion over the events that occurred in Israel over
the last three months. Trauma is defined as a deeply distressing or disturbing
experience. Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily
stressful events that destroy a sense of security, making an individual feel
helpless and vulnerable in a dangerous world. Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-83456627320067578312023-02-11T20:40:00.000-05:002023-02-11T20:40:43.864-05:00Approaching Healing with Realistic Expectations
Please don't be disappointed if this essay approaches
the topic of healing with a measure of skepticism. From my professional point
of view, there may not exist the concept of “complete emotional healing”. When
discussing trauma with my MSW students at the Touro University Graduate School
of Social Work, I begin the semester by quoting Dr. Sue Johnson (creator of
Emotionally Focused Therapy) Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-10220854368062983912022-11-13T11:29:00.003-05:002022-11-13T11:35:50.184-05:00Safe Relationships Facilitate Family Well-BeingHollywood has led us to believe that the fundamentals
of a good marriage are: love, passion, infatuation, romance, and chemistry. In
my professional opinion, those are the tier
two fundamentals. The vital tier one fundamentals are: respect, empathy,
friendship, forgiveness, trust, and safety,
which is the focus of this essay.
www.Shalomtaskforce.org
Back in the early days of domestic violence Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-30745988605242451992021-04-18T11:59:00.002-04:002021-04-18T12:04:07.368-04:00My Fear That You Won’t Seek Help for Estrangement Estrangement
is commonly defined as the intentional choice by one or more relatives to end
contact because of an ongoing negative relationship. Primarily based on
emotions, not facts, estrangement can bring unimaginable heartbreak to
families.
I implore
you to seek help if the above describes you, as the numbers are staggering. Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-71063508529494965392020-12-17T00:47:00.002-05:002020-12-17T20:14:10.568-05:00Dr. Alan Singer Achieves Certification As a Discernment Counselor Discernment counseling is a protocol for treating
mixed-agenda couples where one is leaning out of the relationship and is
reluctant to work on it in therapy, and the other wants to save the
relationship. Studies suggest that as many of 30% of couples presenting for
couples therapy fall into the mixed-agenda category, and they present a
significant challenge for couple’s therapists because our Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-91272722068057211192020-12-16T23:36:00.001-05:002020-12-16T23:36:48.676-05:00Marital Survival Guide (by the letters) Second Installment Following
my first essay on AISH.com, I received several requests for a continuation of the alphabet.
Below are the E, F, G, and H of the fifty day Marital Survival Guide. Your
comments are greatly appreciated.
E
Empathy: It
is normal to want to help your spouse soothe when they are upset. Telling
them to “calm down” doesn’t work. It is simply another way of Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-68328155023418878882020-04-22T00:20:00.000-04:002020-04-22T00:20:46.075-04:00Your Fifty Day Marital Survival Guide by Dr. Alan Singer
Join me in taking an aggressive approach to saving marriages during this
seemingly endless coronavirus pandemic. Many U.S. scientists believe that the peak has
passed and in fifty days our lives should significantly improve. Fact? No. But
whatever we’re short with facts, let’s make up for in optimism. There are no
assurances about when social distancing will end.
&Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-18413716960440849472020-04-12T23:41:00.000-04:002020-04-12T23:43:23.778-04:00Mental Health Wellness Tips for the Corona Quarantine
I hope you find this description of coping as useful as I do.
CORONA-VIRUS:
HOW TO COPE by Eileen M Feliciano, PsyD
MENTAL
HEALTH WELLNESS TIPS FOR QUARANTINE
1. Stick to a
routine. Go to sleep and wake up at a reasonable time, write a schedule that is
varied and includes time for work as well as self-care.
2. Dress for the
social life you want, not the social life Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-70286069128276622712018-12-17T14:24:00.000-05:002018-12-17T14:28:23.284-05:00Compatibility & Marital Communication: Rather Overrated by Dr. Alan Singer
Compatibility
is the simpler of the two topics so let's start with that. Compatibility is not
something you have, it is something you make. It is about how you speak to each
other, how well you get along, and how you move through time together. Rarely
do couples call me for a counseling appointment and mention compatibility even
though large-scale studies have found “incompatibility” Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-25653075877565476982017-08-24T00:15:00.001-04:002017-08-24T00:15:57.137-04:00
Eggshells or
Estrangement: Not Much of a Choice
Here
are two tales of estrangement. The first type is a parent cutting-off contact
with a child following a divorce also referred to as parental alienation. The
second is when an adult child ceases contact with a parent, sometimes for no
apparent reason. This is especially agonizing when grandchildren are involved.
Researchers
Gilligan, SuitorDr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-50104847008512428822017-02-17T12:57:00.000-05:002017-02-17T12:57:06.912-05:00Are We Able to Learn from Each Person? An Essay by Alan Singer
Teachers
are empowered to transmit knowledge to students in their classrooms. Mr. Kreisberg,
my science teacher, taught me that the pursuit of knowledge can be an
adventure. Mrs. Greenberg, my English teacher, demonstrated that literature can
be mind-expanding. And Dr. Hershkowitz’s semester of social psychology inspired
me to change my career track.
&Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-46418159571908207602016-10-19T13:38:00.000-04:002016-10-26T13:01:15.395-04:00Turbulent Marriages Are Threatened by Trump vs. Clinton Feuding
A growing number of unhappy
couples are having heated arguments about Trump
versus Clinton and, as a result are now making appointments for marriage counseling.
It is no surprise given that the American Psychological Association just
concluded that half of U.S. adults say this election is a significant source of
stress. In fact, half of the couples I counsel place political arguments atDr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-64419191386688347872016-07-27T21:52:00.001-04:002016-07-27T21:52:40.289-04:00Can you Guess The Secrets of a 50 Year Marriage?
This is one heck of a sweet story from the Boston Globe. Click here to read the article. This is not a research study, it's just some wonderful quotes from some long-term married folks. Said Rosemary Kreder (91) about her husband, "His jokes are so bad that they're actually funny. And he always waits for the laugh."
Spoiler Alert: what are the two most common responses? Humor and Laughter.&Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-13682653057643343462016-01-13T21:56:00.001-05:002016-01-13T21:56:16.329-05:00Extended Family Moving Closer? Sounds Great for Marriage
According to a recent New York Times article, the typical adult
now lives only 18 miles from his/her mother. Over the last few decades,
Americans have become less mobile. Extended family nearby is a terrific indicator
for healthy marriages because it means we’re becoming a country of close-knit
families. Members of multiple generations can lean on one another for
financialDr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-67026889947236500452015-02-11T22:07:00.000-05:002015-02-11T22:07:25.050-05:00NPR-Cincinnati...My Favorite Book-Related Radio Interview
When the NPR producer called me regarding their national series on family size, he was kind in saying "Well, you wrote the book Dr. Singer." NPR is so chill; what a pleasant experience. They give you time to think and time to answer during the interview (and such a distinguished panel of experts-not too shabby). With the TV promotion of my book, all of life was compressed Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-70073798566905815002014-12-11T21:38:00.000-05:002014-12-11T21:38:18.372-05:00The Distracting Power of a Cellphone
According to a series of experiments led by
researchers at the University of Essex, just putting your cell phone on the
table (not even holding it) appears to reduce in-person conversation quality. The researchers observed, “The evidence indicates the mere presence of mobile
phones inhibited the development of interpersonal closeness and trust, and
reduced the extent to which individuals Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-47638270040063432812014-11-05T22:49:00.000-05:002014-11-05T22:55:00.007-05:00Did You Get Some Chill Time Last Summer? If Not, Plan Your Winter Break for You and Your Family’s Sake
Vacation
is no laughing matter. It's imperative for you and your family to hit the reset
button in your brain. A walk in nature or listening to music acts as a neural
reset button and provides much needed perspective on what you're doing. Taking
breaks is biologically restorative. If you were a workaholic all summer, plan a
winter getaway in some warm weather with your spouse and
family.....Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-22911315153210148882014-09-01T12:42:00.000-04:002014-09-02T23:52:56.935-04:00Is Divorce Contagious?
As if divorce statistics aren’t depressing enough…a colleague
recently sent me this link. It’s research from Brown University that is published by the extraordinary Pew Research Center and is enough
to make me sick. “Social contagion” theory suggests that the spread of
information, attitudes and behaviors is through friends, family, and other
social networks. One degree of separation Dr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-67950335435632900192014-07-31T10:02:00.000-04:002014-07-31T10:02:00.620-04:00Going From Man-To-Man….to Zone
When you go from 2 children to 3, that is what happens
to parents; zone defense. A recent NYTimes article described a growing number of three-child households in Manhattan.
Really? With some of the highest apartment prices in the world, could that be
true? It turns out the article describes the significant increase in three-child
families with incomes in the 200K to 400K range. So we’reDr. Alan Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15349911328640999255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-1443966933543637072014-02-03T13:30:00.000-05:002014-02-04T10:45:55.970-05:00Half of U.S. Pregnancies are Unintentional: Think Family Size Decision People!
Your Family Size decision is
the most important decision of your marriage. I have told hundreds of couples
in my 36 years as a marriage therapist, that there is no more vital decision in the
hands of every couple than, when to start a family and how many children to
have. I stress vital decision because other marital decisions, such as
where to live, are in the hands of every couple, Dr. Alan M. Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242709892550579433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-27680030484749552582013-11-12T20:25:00.000-05:002013-11-12T20:25:57.983-05:00When Your Child Asks if It’s Ok to Bungee Jump Off One of the Highest Bridges in the World....
What irked me most about J F Boylan’s
Op-Ed in the NY Times was the statement "It's impossible for me and all
those other parents, not to want to shield our young from the many accidents we
know are waiting for them".
So I responded to the Editor:
Intriguing how Ms. Boylan intertwines themes of parental responsibility as
it pertains to thrill-seeking adventures and then love, asDr. Alan M. Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242709892550579433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-60229476261083023072013-08-26T10:00:00.000-04:002013-08-26T10:00:02.648-04:00Good News Beats Bad When it Comes to Friends
Here’s a feel-good story to end your summer. It’s about hearing good news from friends.
“When it comes to the media, the classic rule is: Bad news sells. If it bleeds, it leads. No news is good news, and good news is no news. Wars, earthquakes, plagues, floods, fires, the more suffering and mayhem, the more coverage,” states John Tierney in the NY Times.
“But now that information is being Dr. Alan M. Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242709892550579433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-76161117075034656852013-05-14T10:00:00.000-04:002013-05-14T10:00:01.877-04:00Chores Teach Children, It's Not All About You
Sue Shellenbarger wrote an important piece in the Wall Street Journal on children and chores a while back.
How much time each day, on average, does a 6 to 12 year old spend on household chores?
"If you guessed more than a half-hour, you're wrong. Children are spending a mere 24 minutes a day doing cleaning, laundry and other housework -- a 12% decline since 1997 and a 25% drop fromDr. Alan M. Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242709892550579433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-13435713794959152662013-01-30T08:00:00.000-05:002013-01-30T08:00:06.570-05:00Predicting the End to Grandparenthood?
The occasion of my 40th high school reunion, was a chance to reflect on two things: how my classmates and I have aged and how almost none of my high school friends have grandchildren. As we mingled and shared family photos, classmates were showing toddler and teen photos of their children; I alone was showing photos of my grandchildren.
Why the dichotomy?
The lack of grandchildren is Dr. Alan M. Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242709892550579433noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19358812.post-18701596867626595962012-12-23T07:47:00.002-05:002012-12-23T07:47:45.177-05:00The Lost (& Final) Basement Tape; Video #12
Actually filmed in the basement, this is the last of 12 videos that I filmed for promotion of my book, Creating Your Perfect Family Size. In all 12 videos, I altered the scenery and followed the directions of Noah, my son-in-law. He was specific: "Pops, if you want these videos to be watched, you can't just be gimmicky; you have to have content."
And that is what I attempted to do with each Dr. Alan M. Singerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00242709892550579433noreply@blogger.com0